Beat the Mets

Look, I lived through a lot of Mets failures. I was 5 in 1988, still a kid and not yet ready to fully grasp the choke against the Dodgers in the playoffs. I was 9 in 1992, where the highlight of my baseball summer was getting visitor Gary Sheffield's autograph at Shea, a total slight as my highlight of 1991 was traveling to the Vet to see David Cone strike out 19 Phillies in a meaningless game.

I was 16 in 1999, too punk for anything except the Mets, as my father and I watched Kenny Rogers walk in the winning run against John Fucking Rocker and the Braves in the NLCS while my little brother freaked out watching upstairs. I watched from the same seat exactly one year later as the Mets effectively ended the Braves' reign over the NL East (kinda) only to get spanked by the hated Yankees in the Series. It was the 4th title for George's Boys in 5 years, and growing up in NJ, it was tough as every other kid was a frontrunning (that's what you are when your team actually wins) Yankee fan.

I was 23 in 2006, living in Park Slope, Brooklyn as Carlos Beltran watched a perfect curveball pass him for strike three with the bases loaded in Game 7 of the NLCS against the Cardinals. That one was tough, seeing as Endy Chavez made the best play in NLCS history (probably) a couple innings before to rob Scott Rolen of a home run. I thought maybe the decades of failure, choking and setting off fireworks at fans were over.

I was 24 a year later, now living in Williamsburg, Brooklyn when the Mets choked away a 7 game mid-September lead in the NL East, a seemingly insurmountable distance from the Phillies. I almost stopped watching baseball on September 30, 2007 when Tom Glavine gave up 7 first-inning runs against the Marlins, a game the Mets needed to force a playoff game with the Phils. They lost 8-1, and I thought, "hey, if I can get past this, I can get past anything as a fan." And why not, Red Sox fans did it for 85+ years. Cubs fans are still living this nightmare. It got worse though.

I was 25 in 2008, when the Mets blew it again, and this time, the salt was poured directly on the wound—the Phillies not only too the NL East, they won the World Series. Now, every team in the NL East had won one since 1986—save the Nationals, but come on, be realistic. The Braves had one, the Marlins had two, and now the Phillies, whose fans were and still are my mortal enemies, had one. This HAD to be the pinnacle of heartbreak.

It wasn't.

As I type this, the Mets are 10 games back in the NL East, in 4th place. Only the lowly Nationals, the team that can't even spell their team name correctly on their uniforms are faring worse than the Mets, and last night the Nats shut the Mets out! Jose Reyes is hurt, Carlos Beltran is hurt, Carlos Delgado is hurt. David Wright has 6 home runs (6! It's almost August!). Jeff Franceour is on the team. The future Mets, Daniel Murphy, Nick Evans and Fernando Martinez are nowhere near ready (butcher at 1B, hitting .243 with an OBP of .410; in the minors; on the DL, hitting .176 with an OBP of .242). Johan Santana pitches a gem every fifth day, but gets virtually no run support. The bullpen (still) stinks. The farm system is decimated. It's only going to get worse.

As I sit here, recalling my Mets heatbreaks, I wonder why my first memories of baseball are from 1987/88, AFTER the last Mets triumph, and definitely the most exciting one in their relatively short history. Why couldn't I have been born in 1980 and been a chipper 6 year-old, sitting next to my dad (still grasping to that rapidly receding hairline) as Mookie's slow roller passed through Buckner's wicket?

Good thing I'm not also a lifelong Knicks fan. Oh wait...

Best New Artest

I don't really understand Player Efficiency Rating (PER) or how anyone can be a Clippers fan, but I do understand this—defensive specialist, current newest Laker and future New York Knick Ron Artest better get that Grammy shelf built right quick.

The King of Pop is crotch-grabbing in his grave.

Charlie Don't Windsurf on Lake Erie

Listen, I only took a huge break from writing about sports because there was no Charlie V. news once the Buxxxx were eliminated from playoff contention. Sike, I'm lazy and I was probably busy playing Galaga and watching the snooziest NBA Finals in history, followed by a "crazy" NBA draft.

When I say "crazy," I don't really mean crazy. I mean that when Minnesota takes 4 PGs, 2+ are obviously trade bait, and one of them is an insurance PG because he's 18, plays in Europe and probably won't come over to Minnesota until the 'Wolves can figure out if Flynn is the answer or not (if he comes over at all to MN). It really isn't that crazy at all.

The NBA isn't a big man's league, and it hasn't been for a while, and a true PG (sorry Stephon Marbury, Brandon Jennings, every other PG in the league besides Steve Nash, Deron Williams and CP3) is as important as a good QB. Ok, maybe not that important, but it's important. It's also more interesting when you have an electrifying PG that throws between the legs passes and assists off his elbow. And Electrifying means $$$.

So when all the talking heads on ESPN were FREAKING out when the 'Wolves took a bunch of PGs, everyone needed to calm down a bit. One of the lesser PGs (re: not Rubio or Flynn) was traded for a conditional draft pick to the Nugs, which is way more mind boggling than actually taking the PG. I mean, the Nuggets have a good chance to finish better than getting the 18th pick next year. I'd probably even put a sawbuck on it. So they essentially traded the 18th pick this year for the 19th-30th next year. Weird.

Also, these trade rumors are insane, and maybe we don't need 24 hour sports if the endless speculation from an "unnamed source" is taking up the airwaves. Rubio to the Knicks on draft night, Amar'e for Steph Curry the next morning, a 4X4 animal style for Eddy Curry, the list is endless. I think the team that gets the burger is the winner.

Charlie, good luck in Detroit. You'll have Ben Gordon, another high-priced non-All Star (thanks Bill Simmons) to round out the Pistons roster.